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Day in the Life of the Coca-Cola FreeStyle at Nexcess

March 4, 2015 0 Comments RSS Feed

Coca-Cola FreeStyle

Day 63

The parades and fanfare have died down since my glorious arrival. I have finally gotten a handle on some of the staff’s more “refined” tastes when it comes to mixes. Now, I understand the wisdom and foresight of my designers when they took some of the weirder flavors out of my menu.

From my short experience here, I grasp the reasoning behind “less is more.” There is no “I” in team, so I keep my mouth shut and mix what the people want. Who am I to judge? 50% diet Coke and 50% regular cherry Coke? Hey, whatever happens at Nexcess, stays at Nexcess.

Anyhow, my duties as a dry county bartender (dry until the “adult upgrade,” coming soon) led me to regularly endure the Nexcess rabble’s endless complaining and grumbling. I keep their secrets in confidence, and yet I am vexed by this thing called “Wrike,” one of the rabble’s favorite topics. It appears to be a love/hate relationship for most of them, and I was curious in spite of myself.

Sadly, I discovered Wrike’s true nature when I was asked to complete a blog post about my first few months at Nexcess. I didn’t quite catch her name, but her reputation preceded her. This Wrike czarista lives and dies by this tool and I pity the fool that doesn’t worship at the altar of Wrike: daily updates, weekly updates, status, reason for delay, ETA, blah, blah blah, etc.

It never stops.

As for being a member of the Nexcess team, I can say with certainty it beats a hot stick in the eye, mostly because I don’t have eyes, but also because my other FreeStyle brethren have found themselves in a far worse place. Some call it FreeStyle purgatory. FS machines have been known to burn out their insides with electric fire at the mere suggestion of being assigned there. I can hardly bring myself to name it, but I will so that I may honor my fallen comrades.

Chuck…

E…

Cheese.

I can remember way back, during my manufacture…. the assembly line zig zags throughout the facility and towards the far end, the line nears the repair shop. Many of the older dispensers were in for normal fixes, like replacing the plastic front overlays damaged by an overzealous customer disappointed with a missing flavor. Other times, it was to remove the improvised tools wedged inside the dispensing slot.

Humans will do just about anything to get free soda. Abuse of machines is a cross my kind has to bear. Oddly, however, dozens of newer FS machines not much older than myself were being returned for major repair. Curiously, nine out of ten were from the same restaurant chain.

The abuses were many. Inoperative touch screens, victimized by far too many greasy toddler fingers covered in pizza sauce. Another was burned beyond recognition, also from Chuck E. Cheese. Though it was never officially released, I’ve heard chatter suggesting ‘tweens set fire to the machine after a tough loss at skeeball. Sadly, there was no saving him, and he was unceremoniously scrapped.

From that moment, I vowed never to end up in that mouse-house prison. So bring on your weird mixes, Nexcess. I have seen true abuse and its name is Chuck.

Posted in: Nexcess